The Misunderstood Sin

The Misunderstood Sin

I really enjoyed this week’s reading, particularly Pres. Benson’s article, Beware of Pride. I’ve thought about this quote all week, “Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance.” (1) As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I thought I understood pride fairly well. We have regular lessons on the pride cycle. Everyone knows what pride is and that we should avoid it, right? I thought so, too. President Benson continues, “Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing. The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.” (1) The definition ‘a state of opposition’ stuck out to me. I don’t generally have hatred or hostility toward anyone, but state of opposition… Yeah, I relate a little more to that phrase.

Yielding to Win

Opposition is natural. It’s going to happen, there’s no doubt. My husband and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary next month. When we were dating, engaged and very first married, we both found it in ourselves to agree generally. We would have rather the other person get what they want than fight about it. But as the years went on, pride snuck into our relationship and the contention grew. We started becoming more concerned with who was going to win the fight than even what the fight was originally about. This went on for a few years until our relationship was very strained and distant. We had both reached our max. We decided to take a step and do what Gottman refers to as ‘Yielding to Win’. Gottman says, “When you have a conflict, the key is to be willing to compromise. You do this by searching through your partner's request for something you can agree to.” (2) Pride gets in the way of this, keeping our minds locked on the idea of who is “winning”. The true winning only happens when we dismiss pride and we yield to hear what the other is saying. From there we can work on a win-win solution for everyone. But the entire process will stop before it begins if pride is present.

The Antidote

“The antidote for pride is humility—meekness, submissiveness.”, President Benson says. He continues with these ideas, “Let us choose to be humble. We can choose to humble ourselves by conquering enmity toward our brothers and sisters, esteeming them as ourselves, and lifting them as high or higher than we are. We can choose to humble ourselves by receiving counsel and chastisement. We can choose to humble ourselves by forgiving those who have offended us. We can choose to humble ourselves by rendering selfless service. We can choose to humble ourselves by going on missions and preaching the word that can humble others. We can choose to humble ourselves by getting to the temple more frequently. We can choose to humble ourselves by confessing and forsaking our sins and being born of God. We can choose to humble ourselves by loving God, submitting our will to His, and putting Him first in our lives. Let us choose to be humble. We can do it. I know we can.” (1) May we all recommit to this high standard, especially in our most sacred relationships between family members.

1- Beware of Pride, Pres. Benson, Ensign May 1989

2- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman, chapter 7, pg126