The Magic of Friendship

Friendship

Friendship is such an interesting word. Everyone knows what it means through the experiences they’ve had. Even my preschoolers happily exclaim, “Hi friends!”, when we have playdates. Google defines friendship as “a state of mutual trust and support between allied nations” (1). I love how this definition includes both trust and support, not just enjoying time together. Friendship in marriage must have a deeper context than a cheery “Hi Friends!” mentality. It must include, as Google says, mutual trust, support and a type of allegiance. This type of friendship is vital to a marriage relationship. Building two lives into one whole requires each ingredient, and will certainly come out incomplete if it’s missing even one. The deepness of the friendship will frame the way we see things, or our sentiment override.  

Sentiment Override

In my own marriage, I have seen both halves of the coin with sentiment override. A vivid memory comes to mind, for example, of my husband telling me, “You need to assume good intent. It’s not like my family, or I, am out to hurt you! Yet, you always seem to take it that way.” He was certainly right. At this point, much earlier in our marriage, I felt like his family and specifically his relationship with his family was threatening me. Of course, that was never their intentions, but I had already put on my negative sentiment override glasses. Everything was processed as a threat. In contrast, I also remember an experience when my husband made plans with his friends on a date we had already set aside for our family. Our friendship was in a better, deeper, place at this point. I decided to shrug it off, knowing he had been greatly looking forward to seeing his friends. I rearranged our plans, and left him to his, without a word. I remember how great I felt to skip what would have been a gloriously victorious fight. It was simply better not to fight at all. He was happy, and so I was too. However, this doesn’t just happen. Keeping a positive sentiment override requires a constant effort, much like putting off the natural man.

Natural Man

In studying Mosiah 3:19, I can see how it relates so clearly to marriage, to sustaining a vital friendship and keeping our positive sentiment override glasses on. It would be natural and easy to be selfish, to only trust and support when it suits us and to assume negative intent. Elder Neal A Maxwell adds, “The natural man is truly God’s enemy, because the natural man will keep God’s precious children from true and everlasting happiness. Our full happiness requires our becoming the men and women of Christ.” (2)

In my life, I have seen clearly that I as I put off my natural woman, I have become closer to my Savior Jesus Christ, and also happier. Which seems contradictory. Selfishness promises to yield happiness, but it is an empty promise. We can never be happy inwardly when we are separating ourselves from Christ. I agree with Elder Maxwell, true happiness comes from becoming men and women of Christ.                  

1-Google friendship search results  

2- General Conference Oct 1990, Put off the Natural Man and Come Off Conqueror, Neal A. Maxwell