Wolves

In reading this week, I felt particularly thoughtful about an Ensign article by Elder Bruce Hafen (1). He proposed marriages are repeatedly challenged by 3 types of wolves.

First Wolf

In his article, Elder Hafen explains the first wolf is natural adversity. This type of wolf is one with which each of us have experience. Personally, my own marriage has greatly suffered at times with financial difficulty, job loss, and depression. These challenges certainly tried us, changed us, and eventually blessed us. We stuck to it and grew past them. I know not everyone is as lucky. Natural adversity is more than the simple struggles of day to day living. Some natural adversity can cut you down to nothing, diminish your existence, and truly leave you breathless. Which is where we are blessed to know our Savior, Jesus Christ and to rely on His Atonement.

Second Wolf

The second wolf Elder Hafen suggests is imperfections. Again, this is another type of wolf with which everyone will have experience. The truth is, people are not perfect. No one ever has been, or will be on this Earth, except for our great exemplar, Jesus Christ. In a marriage relationship, these imperfections seem to be magnified and enlarged. We vividly notice them. Then, if we give in to temptation and criticize one another, we expand the problem to include hurt feelings and broken hearts. This can be a vicious cycle. But once again, the answer comes from our Savior who taught us to love one another and have patience with others shortcomings. This teaching should ring even more true in our marriages, our top relationship.

Third Wolf

Elder Hafen tells us the third wolf is excessive individualism. I think this wolf ties to the first two very clearly. When we struggle through Earthly trials we can feel weak. I know I do. As we feel weak, we often turn our focus inward. It's easy to assume we're alone and suffer internally. We can become completely consumed in ourselves.

Furthermore, it's easy to pinpoint the flaws of someone else, but much more difficult to clearly see our own. When we focus on other’s imperfections instead of our own, we engage in a different kind of excessive individualism. One where we excessively think of ourselves as perfect or more deserving than others. It is certainly human nature or the natural man in each of us to feel self-interest. But it certainly can destroy a marriage quickly.

Wolf Traps

In order to have a truly covenant marriage instead of merely a contractual marriage, we must steal ourselves against these threatening wolves. Every person is vulnerable. No matter where a marriage begins, perils are inevitable. They must be faced. The truest wolf trap is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Only He provides us the way to overcome our natural tendencies. We must trust in Him when trials consume us, and look outward instead of inward. We also must give others leeway, just as we would hope to receive. We are all debtors to our Father in Heaven. We must look to Jesus Christ to forgive, to have patience, and move past others faults. And of course, we must frequently watch for natural tendency to feel individualistic, only self-interested.

I believe deeply in these words, spoken by President Gordon B. Hinkley, (2) “... A happy marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion.”        

1, Nov 1996 Ensign, Covenant Marriage, Elder Bruce Hafen

2, April 1991 General Conference, What God Hath Joined Together, President Gordon B. Hinckley